by Mr Moth

Keane – Silenced by the Night.

Apparently, Keane have been releasing records fairly regularly since they stunk up the airwaves back in 2004 with Somewhere Only We Know. Amazing. A band who have risen without trace, they’ve had three number one albums. Seriously, what? Anyway, in a country where Adele’s 21 outsells Michael Jackson’s Bad, this will probably be another number one album. Which is a shame.

For one thing, I think – I think – we’ve already heard the Killers’ second album, which is what this song could be taken from. Not the video, though, because it’s, er. Actually, no, replace dish-faced Tom Chaplin with a scraggy-bearded Brandon Flowers and it is a video from the Killers’ second album. Which would be fine if the Killer’s second album was worth copying, which it clearly isn’t. Also, also, also, this video has my LEAST FAVOURITE video cliché, when the protagonists turn up where the band were, but – ooo-eee-ooo-eee – they’re not there! Just their instruments! Oh wow, spooky doo!

Anyway. I look forward to Keane turning up in a couple of years with big feathery shoulder pads.

Marina and The Diamonds – Primadonna

I’m ambivalent about Marina and The Diamonds. I mean, on the one hand Hollywood and Oh No! were great pop songs and she’s one of our few Welsh celebrities. But on the other, she went all concept for her second album and I’ve lost track a bit and the singles weren’t that great that I bothered to track down the follow-ups. Apparently she’s still a bit obsessed with the vacuous nature of American celebrity.

So, anyway, because it’s sort of my job, I’ve now watched the video for Primadonna and, while the song is pretty good, and I’m still a big fan of her gulped, sometimes recitative, singing voice, I’m not mad on the visuals. Nothing particularly special, though I bloody love the massive chandeliers. They’re nice. But the rest of it is nothing you haven’t seen a million times. It could be a Nicole Scherzinger clip, although maybe, given the last line of the first paragraph, that is the point.

Still, if you’re making catchy, fun pop and prancing about in the videos in your pants, maybe you’re no longer exploring the vacuous nature of American celebrity; maybe you’re just living it. Not, as far as I can tell, that this would worry Marina.

K’Naan ft Nelly Furtado – Is Anybody Out There?

Aha! It’s the robot dog off of Doctor Who! No? Hey? Hey? Just me, then. Pfft. Suit yourself. I’m completely in the dark about who K’Naan is, if he’s not a tin dog.

Well, it turns out he’s a pretty good rapper, I’ll give him that. His stuff easily outclasses Nelly Furtado, and I quite like Nelly Furtado. I do! No, you get better taste! Anyway, he’s good but… I was going to complain that this preachy message stuff was a bit of a waste, but I always get pissed off at rappers just going on about tits and jewellery, so maybe we need someone who has a social conscience who is also good at the old rhyming! Yes! Who cares if I’m not exactly electrified by this – it’s still good, he’s a skilful performer, the production values are as high as they would be for a Timbaland track which just talks about bums and cars – I hope he sells shitloads.

I don’t get the video, though. What happens to the girl?

Rita Ora ft Tinie Tempah- R.I.P

The names don’t inspire confidence, do they? I mean, no offence to Rita Ora, if that is her real name, which it actually is, but it’s not a very cool collection of noises. Rita hasn’t been sexy since Hayworth (although her shadow is long) and Ora just makes everyone of a certain generation think of orange squash and racist crows. Tinie Tempah we’re all used to, but still it is a stupid name and he actively chose it.

Happily, I liked Tinie’s Pass Out, so he’s got a head start. And Rita was good on that track she did with DJ Fresh, so I’m approaching this with an open mind.

Bit of a shame that it just sounds like N-Dubz. Even Tinie doesn’t bring a great deal to the party; his rapping is brief and characterless. Rita sings OK, but the song isn’t worth a damn. A wasted opportunity, then, and the video contains the most breathtakingly gratuitous arse flash in recent history. La la la, perfectly normal clothes (for a music video, so still half-naked), la la la HERE IS RITA ORA’S ARSE la la la pretend that never happened. Sadly, I suspect that that sentence is going to get the video a few more hits than it deserves. [Extended rant about society deleted]

Mark Ronson ft Katy B – Move to the Beat

Hey, this is great! Mark Ronson and Coca-Cola® travelled the world to create a new dance track using the sounds of sport from five Olympic hopefuls! It’s the soundtrack to the London 2012 Olympic Games, all thanks to official sponsor Coca-Cola®! I’m super excited that  Mark Ronson knew Katy B’s sound would be perfect for the beat of Coca-Cola’s® Anthem after hearing her perform the UK’s freshest dubstep, R&B, funk, and house singles. Together they’ve created “Anywhere In The World,” for the London 2012 Olympic Games. [Sponsored review]

Have they gone? Right, this is toss. I’m ashamed of literally everyone involved, right down to shareholders in Coke.

Scissor Sisters – Only the Horses

Man, I watched the whole of this video and now I have to write about it? It’s the most literal interpretation of a song title since Pan’s People. And what happened to Scissor Sisters, eh? They used to be quite fun. The first half of the first album is great! I really liked it. Second half not so much. Then the second album’s title was brilliant. And I Don’t Feel Like Dancing was good. Then, um.

So there’s this. Sure, I could listen to it again without complaint. It’s not what you’d call fun, but it’s not painful. There’s a ringing endorsement!! Actually, it’s grown on me a little bit (not much, but it’s a start). Oh, but the video, though. No, don’t make me watch it again! Oh the horses! The many horses! You won’t find this much slo-mo fetlock action outside John McCririck’s porn stash. Hey, maybe you like that sort of thing. I’m not here to judge. Knock yourself out with this one. Me, I’m going to watch Keane again while bashing myself in the face with a breezeblock.

Damon Albarn- The Marvelous Dream

This is from Damon’s upcoming musical, which I assume is based on Old Possum’s Book of Practical Flats.