Just a bit of a break from the norm.
Ah, bank holidays. A time for well-deserved relaxation and reflection? Or for necking lukewarm pre-mixed G&T’s on the train as a reward for putting up with your partner’s parents All Fucking Weekend? Here at MostlyFilm, we’re not doing either of those, being incapable of any human emotions except for (a) light snark and (b) existential terror.
But join us, do, as we link from this page to some other pages, where you might find something to entertain, amuse, or be irritated by. We use only the finest clean-sourced hyperlinks, certified-organic pixels, and insist that all our ideas come free of the stain of human conflict. Except for fighting with our editors, obviously.
As ever, we’ll start with what we’ve been up to recently, here, on this blog. It’s been a right old mixed-bag, and we use that in the sense of ‘lots of different and excellent things’, rather than easy MediaGuardian shorthand for being mewlingly on-the-fence about stuff.
The Criterion Collection continues to delight, and we’ve had top-quality looks at both Easy Rider and In A Lonely Place. Add to that reviews of something new in the cinema (Green Room) and on dvd (Hard Tide), a visit to one of cinema’s chief music dudes doing his thing, a round-up of the latest top pop, pondering just how rude the Danes can be, and an exclusive run-down of what’s hot at yer Actual Cannes Film Festival from our Actual Correspondent who was Actually There, in Actual Cannes, well, how do we follow that?
If you’d said ‘with lots more excellent free content, delivered with love and skill, direct to your eyes, three or more times a week’, then you’d be BANG ON. More on that later.
What else has tickled our fancies this past several? Well, inspired by this ultra-depressing list of remakes and reboots on the cards, who’d like to see a couple of the more head-scratching efforts about to hit a telly nowhere near us? Did you know they’ve remade MacGyver? You do now! They appear to have hired an unwashed club-kid to star, although why it’s not called Son Of MacGyver, we’re not sure. You wouldn’t go and see a film called, say, Attlee, and it be about Clement’s son Steve who worked in a Greggs until he was run over by a lorry.
Anyway, there’s definitely a place for an action series where they solve problems by Doing Things instead of pointing at computers and shouting into phones, but we don’t remember the original MacGyver being such a smirking, charmless little shit. Oh well.
Quick! Think of a movie! Any movie? Did you say Lethal Weapon? We did too! And yes, they’ve rebooted that for telly too, for some reason. It seems a bit odd to make a new version of a franchise that relied on one star’s particular charisma when you don’t have the star anymore, but to be fair to them, you can’t have your lead played by a massive racist these days. Although, maybe you can, and the new guy is a massive racist? Only time will tell.
Enough telly – what’s new at the movies this weekend? How about Warcraft, for starters? We know NOTHING about this, so we asked a local urchin, and apparently it’s based on an old videogame called A World At Warcraft, is narrated by Laurence Olivier, and is about throwing birds in the air to try and kill pigs. I mean, that’s not how we kill pigs, but we’re open to new ideas. Wait a minute, I think we’re being lied to here! Damn you, urchin!
Or there’s the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, if you dig that sort of caper. They’ve been around for a while now, so the whole ‘teenage’ thing is beginning to look a little suspect, and now we think about it, they don’t sound like teenagers either! It’s sad when reptiles tell lies to themselves, isn’t it? It’ll be corrective surgery and wheatgrass colonics next. That’s Hollywood for you.
Talking of reptiles, out next week is Me Before You, a title so bland that we forgot it changing tabs between YouTube and writing this, and going by the trailer looks to be about MY DRAGONS! off of Game Of Thrones noshing off a dying fella. There could be more to it than that, but they don’t pay us enough to find out.
Okay, be off with you, and enjoy the weekend! We’ll be back with more good stuff soon – we’re going to go even deeper in the Criterion Collection, with Overlord and L’avventura; our roving correspondent will be reporting back what’s currently wowing them in the UAE, of all places, and a review of Warcraft from someone who might actually know what they’re talking about.