Preamble: Hello! You’re looking smashing. And we are popping in between appointments with the hair stylist and the jeweller to let you know that from (approximately) 10.30 this evening, UK time, we will be bringing you our fifth annual Oscars liveblog coverage, kicking off with incisive and knowledgeable (YMMV) commentary on the red carpet and powering through with the aid of tequila and Wotsits until 5am when The Revenant wins Best Picture and we can all go home.
