Mostly Frocks – the ceremony

We’re back again with the Mostly Film liveblog and the 84th Oscars ceremony is just about to begin. You can read our coverage of the red carpet here.

1.35am

Concetta: Boom! First Kodak joke of the evening. Fact: 7 of the 9 best pic nominees were made on Kodak film.

1.40am

Concetta: He’s singing!

1.45am

Concetta: Oh Tom, we don’t have time for this. Let’s do this thing.

Cinematography: between Tree of Life and The Artist, they say. Are they right?

No, they’re not.

First of what’s expected to be a hatful of technical awards for Hugo.

Laura:  I’d give it to Hugo, were I voting – or, indeed, stil here – which I am not.

1.46am: The Cinematography award goes to Hugo.

1.47am: And Hugo also gets the award for art direction.

1.48am

Concetta:  Fantastic to see Dante Ferretti get his, I think, third Oscar for the art direction on Hugo.

Scorsese truly is a exCHEPtional director. And I’m allowed to make this joke, cos I’m Italian.

1.51am

Concetta: How many ad breaks will we get tonight? And is this Kevin Costner doing the Hyundai VO?

All these ads are forcing me to watch the Carling Cup Final “highlights”. Sigh.

1.55am

Concetta: Bret McKenzie (up for Best Song, for The Muppets) looks dashing. Hope he wins.

Let’s go to the movies … and you’re showing me Titanic, Twilight and Forrest Gump. And Ghost! Come ON.

1.56am 

Concetta: Costume design – do Fassbender’s sideburns in Jane Eyre count?

But surely this will be Sandy Powell’s billionth award.

Wow! That I did not expect.

2-1 now. Hang on, I’m having flashbacks to the Spurs game.

1.57am Mark Bridges wins Costume Design for The Artist

2.00am The Iron Lady wins Makeup.

Concetta: This feels a little like when Il Divo was nominated for make-up – bit of a slap in the face for the actor!

English accent! We own this town!

2.05am

Concetta: Can we wrap this up? Don’t pirate, kids.

The fact that people in Britain are up at 2am watching this and blogging about it suggests we’ll keep watching movies. Don’t be so needy, Oscar!

2.06am

Concetta:  Ooh, I like Sandy’s dress. Please let A Separation win, please.

Jo: Oh Sandy, I love you so.

2.07am A Separation wins best Foreign Film.

2.08am

Concetta: YES! Hope this is one of two, with the screenplay nom later. In such a difficult category, with so many omissions and controversies, it’s so gratifying to see a great film win.

Tindara:  I really need to see this film. Amazing speech there. <Wipes eyes>

2.10am

Concetta: Boom! First Republican nomination gag. A good one too!

2.12am Octavia Spencer wins Best Supporting Actress for The Help.

2.15am

Concetta: Americans applaud themselves, I still find that odd.

Tindara:  Yes, it is odd.

Come on the big girls!

Concetta: No surprise, and I’m afraid I haven’t seen White People Solve Racism, but Octavia looks like a fox in that dress.

Tindara:  Commiserations to the amazing Berenice.

WE HAVE A CRYER.

Jo: Yup, she’s really lost it!

Concetta: Keep it together, Octavia. You can do it.

Tindara:  Aw. That was quite touching, really. She sped up at least.

2.20am

Jo: Whoah, what was that joke Billy?

Concetta: Hmm, was Stephen Fry’s “I got my maid to watch it” funnier?

I am generally enjoying Billy though.

2.22am

Concetta: What is the point of Bradley Cooper?

Tindara:  Nobody knows.

Concetta: I seem to be the only person in the world who hated The Hangover. Hated it.

2.25am Achievement in Film editing goes to Kirk Baxter and Angus Wall for Girl with the Dragon tattoo, shortly followed by Achievement in Sound Editing for Hugo.

2.27am

Concetta:  Consolation prize for Dragon Tattoo there. When will I be consoled for sitting through Benjamin Button?

Tindara:  THERE IS NO COMPENSATION.

I have no opinion on sound, other than TOO LOUD

Concetta:  That’s Hugo’s third. Thelma should’ve won though.

2.29am

Concetta: It’s the big one – sound mixing.This is where your office Oscar sweepstake falls apart.

2.30am The award for sound mixing goes to Hugo.

2.31am

Concetta: Four for Hugo. Will that be it though?

Tindara:  BRIT alert!

2.38am

Tindara:  Nod to both Rope and North by Northwest there by Cirque du Spinny Round Lots.

Concetta: Yeah, and I’m sure the 12 people who aren’t taking the opportunity to take a loo break are loving it.

Tindara:  Audience watch stars in audience. Nice. Is this where Ali G falls on someone?

2.40am Best Documentary Feature goes to Undefeated.

Tindara:  Praise for the old fellas of cinema there. Max Von Sydow and Christopher Plummer.

Concetta: Robert Downey Jr – making Gwyneth Paltrow likeable since 2008.

2.45am

 Concetta: Apparently the blokes from the Pepsi Max ad won an Oscar.

Jo: You’d think they could give them more than 45 seconds for the speech, since there seem to be about thirty of them.

Tindara:  P Diddy will be happy, he was crapping on about this earlier. It’s about a sporting team against the odds, folks.

YOU CAN DO IT.

Concetta:  Yawn. Hey, Chris Rock.

Tindara:  Brilliant. Love Chris Rock. Rocking the hair too, I like it.

2.48am Rango wins Best Animated Feature.

2.50am

Tindara: Rango is totally Yojimbo.

Concetta:  For the time year in ages, I haven’t seen any of these noms. Pixar’s Brave comes out soon people!

2.54am

Concetta:  Was this the controversial dress? What’s wrong with it?

Jo: I love it, and she’s being pretty adorable.

Tindara: I quite like it.

Concetta: For Visual Effects, there’s lots of love in the room for HP; Apes is favourite apparently.

 Tindara:  There will always be love for HP, though, doesn’t mean it’ll win. Are the HP lot even there?

Concetta:  No, it’s not really an Academy film. Hugo is.

2.56am The award for Achievement in Visual Effects goes to Hugo. How many is that for Hugo now?

2.59am

Tindara:  Another for Hugo

Concetta:  So, that’s five for Hugo. Really, though, that must be it.

There were remarkable effects in Hugo, though. Mainly by Melies.Fair play.

Tindara: Little bit of politics there. Ok so who are we going for?

Concetta: Plummer all day.

Tindara: Yeah, I think so too.

3.01am Christopher Plummer wins Best Supporting Actor for Beginners. 

3.03am

Concetta: All together now, “Edelweiss, edelweiss…” Lovely to see him.

Tindara:  I was just thinking that.

Concetta: Standing O.

Tindara:  Rich as a plumcake. As expected a wonderful acceptance speech in the GRAND TRADITION.

Concetta: “That superb artist … Ewan McGregor.” Words we thought we’d never hear.

Tindara:  “Proud to be in your company”, no less.

3.07am

Concetta: Hold on, folks, that was award No 13. We are more than halfway though. Phew!

3.11am

Concetta: Bring back the ads, this filler is excruciating.

Tindara:  Although I liked the Marty bit.

Concetta:  Meh.

Tindara: Can we get to the rest of the awards please now, Billy? Thanks.

3.13am

Concetta:  I’m still wondering why they dump Cinematography and Art Direction while people are still getting to their seats. We’re still waiting for the shorts, for example.

 Tindara:  Totally agree. It’s nuts.

3.15am Best Original Score goes to The Artist.

3.17am

Concetta: That’s two for The Artist. No one tell Kim Novak.

Tindara:  I think she might lose it.

 Concetta:  I wonder if he mentions it in the speech.

 Tindara:  Marvellous. I hope he bloody well does.

 Concetta:  OK, I can’t understand much of this at all.

 Tindara:  Me neither.

3.19am Best Song goes to Bret McKenzie for The Muppets.

3.19am

Concetta: Will Flight of the Conchords win an Oscar?

Tindara: It would be fantastic if FotC won… Yay!

Concetta: Lovely! Is Jemaine burning, do we think?

3.26am

Concetta: Writers now. So are they less important than shorts? Or do they do an “also awarded tonight”?

3.29am Best adapted screenplay goes to Alexander Payne, Nat Faxon and Jim Wrasch for The Descendants.

3.30am

Concetta: Great to see The Descendants get some love finally. It’s charming.

Tindara:  I suspect there is an “also awarded” scenario. But yeah, it was lovely writing actually. Well deserved.

Concetta: Mind you, if Midnight in Paris wins Best Original Screenplay, I’m going to bed. Possibly forever.

3.31am Midnight in Paris wins Best Original Screenplay. 

3.40am

Concetta: So, Woody Allen has 4 Oscars now – for Annie Hall, Hannah and her Sisters, and some shite he knocked up on his holidays.

Tindara: And meanwhile, Bridesmaids present the Live Action Shorts award complete with knob gags.

3.36am MostlyFilm is taking advantage of the ad break to pop an aspirin and make a quick coffee.

3.41am The Shore wins Best Live Action Short.

3.43am

Concetta: Aw, lovely Dad praising his daughter in his speech.

Tindara:  Oh how lovely. “This is my daughter the producer.”

Concetta:  And then she spoilt it by being a bit of a tit.

Tindara:  Oh, I thought she was fine.

 3.45am Daniel Junge and Sharmeen Obaid-Chinoy win Best Documentary Short Film for Saving Face.

 3.47am The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr Morris Lessmore (try typing that at four in the morning, after a bottle of wine) wins best Animated Short Film.

 3.49am 

Concetta: So, now we’re down to the final 4: picture, director, lead actor and lead actress. If The Artist wins all 3 it is nominated for, it will tie with Hugo on 5 Oscars. But that’s a big ask.

3.51am

Tindara:  Does Michael Douglas really have two Oscars? Way to devalue it right there.

Tindara:  Director now? Before actor?

Concetta:  Though we haven’t had in memoriam yet, have we.

Here goes Malick’s last chance.

Tindara:  I really don’t think Malick will win… YES!

3.55am Michel Hazanavicius wins Best Director for The Artist.

 3.56am

Concetta: Michel H and The Artist back on track. Better not let them see that second OSS film.

Tindara:  Michel Hazanavicius is adorable. He thanks Uggie! Shhhh about the OSS film, Concetta.

Concetta:  The first one is fun, but the second…

3.59am

Tindara: Is it really wrong of me to really hate Meryl Streep now that she has made Thatcher sympathetic?

‘Cause I do. I really do. I mean how dare she?!

Concetta: That’s what happens when the people behind Mamma Mia (!) make the first major Thatcher biopic.

Special awards blah blah.

Jo: Also, Meryl’s wearing the kind of dress you really shouldn’t wear to the Oscars: the one that makes you look like an Oscar.

Tindara: Lovely James Earl Jones and Oprah though.

Concetta: Oprah and Meryl both came dressed as Oscars.

Tindara: Ahem, back to fashion for a moment, Oprah looking resplendent in a gold sequin dress.

4.05am

Concetta: In Memoriam now. Aw, dear Ken Russell. And it’s nice to see Tim Hetherington remembered there.

Tindara: Tim Hetherington. And aw, Liz.

Concetta:  Liz Taylor to finish, as is right.

Tindara:  <Applauds>

4.15am

Concetta: So, best actor. A category that can best be summed up with the following clip…

Tindara: Jean Jean Jean!

Cincetta: Wow, Natalie Portman looks ace.

Tindara:  Told ya. Dripping in diamonds.

Concetta: And Cumberbatch is on the Oscars. The Sherlock fangirls just DIED.

4.18am Jean Dujardian wins Best Actor for The Artist.

 4.20am

Tindara:  How rubbish if it was Brad?

YES. Jean gets it!

Concetta: Hang on, I think they’re gonna do it! The first Frenchman to win an Oscar. Take that, Depardieu.

Tindara: “I love your country.”

Concetta: And there’s the lead clip for the news shows tomorrow…

Tindara:  Wonderful. Tear in the eye. Punches the air as he goes back to his seat.

Concetta: Four so far for The Artist – with the big one to come.

4.26am

Concetta: Ah, Colin Firth, here to remind that The King’s Speech was really not all that.

Tindara: Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr Darcy.

Jo: Just… Ladies, I think.

Concetta: I know she has an Oscar already but Tilda Swinton’s looking at Rooney Mara and Glenn Close right now and shaking her head.

So it’s only the lead actors and actresses who get the long creepy build-up. Typical.

Tindara:  It is creepy, isn’t it? <Shudder>

Please not Meryl! Please not Meryl! Please not Meryl!

Concetta:  Colin Firth is not a good enough actor to sell the idea that Rooney Mara is a great actress.

And I love Colin Firth.

Tindara: Shuddering at Thatcher there.

Michelle Williams is just lovely, isn’t she?

4.30am Meryl Streep wins Best Actress for The Iron Lady.

4.32am

Concetta: There it is.

Tindara:  Bah. That’s annoying

Concetta:  As an aside, that was Michelle Williams’ third nomination. Hasn’t she come far since Dawson’s?

Tindara:  Indeed, she has.

Concetta:  She’s just so likeable, though.

Tindara:  Who Streep?

Concetta:  Yep. She’s just so bumbly. At least she kept her shoes this time.

Tindara: Grumble, mither, grumble.

4.35am

Tindara: BEST PICTURE.

Concetta: Last award of the night. And – oh good – Tom Cruise.

Tindara:  Presented by the dullest man in Hollywood.

Concetta:  “Hemingway.” “Hemingway?” That sodding terrible film. We haven’t even talked about how shit Extremely Loud… is, but I didn’t pay good money to see that…

4.36am The Artist wins Best Picture.

4.37am

Concetta: There it is. The coronation is complete.

Tindara:  YES.

Concetta:  And that’s 5 Oscars for The Artist. And Uggie on stage.

Tindara:  And there’s Uggie!

Concetta: Harvey don’t hurt us. We did what you wanted.

 Tindara:  Lots of kissing on stage.

Concetta:  I like this thanking Douglas Fairbanks and Billy Wilder. It’s classy.

Tindara: And telling Berenice he loves her and that she’s the soul of movie.

4.40am

Concetta: So, that’s the Oscars 2012. The scores on the doors: The Artist 5, Hugo 5, The Iron Lady 2, The Descendants 1, A Separation 1, The Help 1, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo 1, Undefeated 1, Rango 1, Beginners 1, The Muppets 1, Midnight in Paris (curses!) 1

Tindara: It was all fair in the end.

Concetta: So, no real surprises but, for me, a best picture winner we won’t cringe about in 10 years. And that’s a rare treat.

Tindara: Same here. I’m pretty happy with that. The Artist deserved all its praise. Tough luck suckers, better luck next time. Night all.

4.45am

Concetta: I laughed out loud between 1 and 5 times at Billy Crystal, and it’s almost 5am in London, so that makes him a hosting win for me. But I’m sure the post mortems will rumble on. And thanks very much to Jo, Tindara and Laura for their company tonight. Night all.

Tindara: Yes, night all.

Editor: We’re going to wrap up now. But do check back in the morning and let us know what you thought of the Oscars and the red carpet.

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